Cúltura Talossan
The Talossan language (el glheþ Talossan) is the official language of Talossa. Many Talossans choose to use the Talossan language form of their name, and such names are officially recognised by the government.The Talossan language is one of the largest and most widely-respected constructed languages in the world. A website detailing the language is maintained.
Talossan English (as used on this website) is also spoken and recognised.
Noastra Drapéu (Our Flag)
Talossa’s bicolour flag (El Bicoloreu) is blazoned “Per fess vert and gules,” or in plain English “top half green, bottom half red.” In wartime, the flag is flown upside-down. The flag was adopted on 2 March 1981. The green symbolises the monarchy and its magnanimity; the red stands for the people and their tenacity.The official salute to the flag, recited with one’s right hand over one’s heart, is: “I salute the Talossan flag, with affection and smiling devotion to the Kingdom for which it stands: one Talossan nation, undivided and free, a home for all our people.”
In Talossan: “Salütéu el Bicoloreu, avetz l’aðfeziun es el devoçal smaidind àl regipäts qi ça representa: ‘n singul naziun Talossan, untractada es liverescu, ‘n domeu per toct ár popuis.”
Salüt Uficial (Official Salute)
The “Zog salute,” consisting of raising the right arm as if to make a ‘fascist’ salute, but bending the elbow back across the chest with the palm downward. Try not to giggle too much while you’re Zog-saluting; it spoils the effect.
L’Anþem Naziunal (The National Anthem)
- The national anthem of Talossa is “Chirluscha àl Glheþ” (“Hymn to the Language”).
- Its English-language version, “Stand Tall, Talossans“[PDF], has equal legal status.
- Hear the anthem (recorded by Danihel Txeschescu).
- Hear the anthem (recorded on the bagpipes by Sir Tomás Gariçéir):
Canziuns Pätriotici (Patriotic Songs)
- “Dallas Pätsilor” (“Of All Countries” or “Ein Feierlichgesang”) by Ian von Metairia, which was the national anthem from June of 1989 until replaced by “Chirluscha àl Glheþ”, when it was demoted to a “National Song” like its predecessor.
- “Anthem (Nationalsång)” by ABBA, which had been the national anthem before “Dallas Pätsilor” replaced it, demoting it to the status of National Song in June of 1989.
- “Tusk” by Fleetwood Mac.
- “Funk”, by Meco, “from the ridiculous 1970’s Meco Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk disco album”, is the official signature tune of all Talossan government broadcasts, per Talossan statutory law Lexh. F.22.
Noastra Slogan (Our Motto)
The national motto of Talossa is “Miehen Huone on Hänen Valtakuntansa” (“A Man’s Room is his Kingdom”, expressed in Finnish).
Feschtas Püblici (Public Holidays)
The following days are officially designated as public holidays observed by the government of the Kingdom of Talossa. Government offices are closed on these days except for emergency services and national security. Private businesses are also encouraged to observe these holidays.
- New Year’s Day (1 January)
- Landmark Day (3d Monday in January) commemorates all Talossan landmarks, including Grecian Delight (Grecian Delight Day is observed on 19 January, the day that hallowed national landmark was destroyed by arson in 2010)
- Culture Day (3d Monday in February) commemorates the rich culture of the Kingdom, in line with Napoleon’s Memorial Wargaming Day (observed 21 February, the day of the closing of the historic Talossan site, Napoleon’s Wargame Shop), and serving as a traditional kick-off day for celebration of Berber Heritage Month (March)
- Cestour Day (final Monday in May) celebrates Cestour heritage and the rich history of the protoTalossan realm, in line with Juneau Day (observed on 28 May, commemmorating the victory of the protoTalossan Juneaumen over the Kilbournites at the Battle of the Bridges)
- Foundation Day (4 July) celebrates King Robert I’s Birthday (2 July) and Organic Law Day (6 July). It is a legal requirement that a fireworks celebration be held at the shore of La Mar Talossan on a date roughly between King Robert I’s Birthday and Organic Law Day.
- Monarchy Day (observed) (1st Monday in September) commemorates the resumption of the Talossan monarchy with the coronation of Florence on 24 August 1987
- Armistice Day (11 November) commemorates the proclamation of peace following the Great War, and the invincible moral support that the Kingdom of Talossa contributes to all foreign conflicts, and that it would have contributed to that one in particular had the Kingdom been founded by then
- Victory Day (observed) (4th Thursday in November) celebrates the triumphant victory of our nation in every single war it has ever fought (specifically, the victory won on 25 November 1980 in the Cone Wars)
- Dependence Day (25 December) commemorates the final day of dependence of this nation on another, and oh, also celebrates Christmas Day
- Independence Day (26 December) celebrates Talossa’s first day of independence (by law, the houses, buildings, and streets of the nation are found decked out in the national colours of red and green in the days leading up to Independence Day)
Ziuas Auservadas (Days of Observance)
Other days on the calendar have been named from time-to-time as days of observance. Government offices are open and business is conducted on these days (unless falling on a day listed above as a public holiday).
- 11 January: Labour Day (commemorating the failed Communist coup d’etat that took place on this day in 1980).
- 19 January: Grecian Delight Remembrance Day.
- 20 January: Penguin Awareness Day.
- 21 January: Squirrel Appreciation Day.
- 28 February: Off-With-Their-Heads Day (reminding all citizens to practice active Talossanity).
- March: Berber Heritage Month.
- 31 March: Mindless Patriotism Day.
- 20 April: Reunision Day (la Ziua dal Rëuniziun), commemorating the Reunision of Talossa, which was achieved on this day in 2012.
- 23 April: Newspaper Day (commemorating the first publication of a Talossan opposition newspaper, this day in 1985)
- 1 May: Holiday of Hatred (recalling the theft of the Talossan flag that occurred on this day in 1983); this is Talossa’s Flag Day, a day Talossans spend without displaying the flag and in contemplation of the importance of our national symbols.
- 28 May: Solomon Juneau Day.
- Summer: TalossaFest, traditional festive gathering of Talossans in the Kingdom and elsewhere
- 24 June: Immigration Day (commemorating the opening of immigration, this day in 1981)
- 15 September: Game Day
- 22 September: Alfred W. Lawson Day (commemorating the protoTalossan baseball player, aviation pioneer, novelist, prolific writer, and eccentric creator and promulgator of the metaphysical “science” of Lawsonomy and religion of Lawsonianism)
- 28 September: Democracy Day (commemorating the first elections in Talossa, this day in 1981)
- 12 October: Sovereign’s Birthday
- 16 October: Publicity Day (commemorating the publication of the first article about Talossa to appear in the foreign press, in the Milwaukee Sentinel, this day in 1984)
- 10 December: Human Rights Day
- 12 December: Llimbaziua [Language Day] (commemorating the first use of the Talossan language, this day in 1980).
Siteux Þistorici Naziunais (National Historic Sites)
- Grecian Delight Restaurant, 1810 East North Avenue, Florencia Province, was a national historic site. It was burned to the ground by an arsonist on 19 January 2010; its location remains a Talossan national historic site.
- Puerto Josh, located on Atatürk’s east coast, at the spot where King Robert I gallantly shed Royal blood during the heroic 1982 expedition and the Royal bleeding was even more gallantly suppressed by Sir Josh Macht.
l Paßatimps Naziunal (The National Pastime)
The Talossan national pastime is wargaming. Former King Robert I has created successful commercial wargames, while former Prime Minister Sir Fritz von Buchholtz was, for many years, the proprietor of “Napoleon’s,” a well-known wargame store just north of Talossa in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA.
La Cuquitaziun Eþnic Naziunal (National Ethnic Cuisin)
The official ethnic cuisine of the Kingdom of Talossa is Taco Bell. By an act of the Ziu, Z-Teca (renamed to Qdoba in 2000) is recognised as an emergency substitute.
Delicaçù Taloçait Uficial (Official Berber Treat)
Couscous
Brustal Naziunal (National Mammal)
Hamilta (Squirrel)—as seen in the Greater State Arms. The Squirrel is also the mascot of the extension campus of the University of Talossa, although on the main campus the mascot is the Panther.
Pesc Naziunal (National Fish)
Smelta (Smelt)
Insecteu Naziunal (National Insect); yes, we know it’s not an insect
Armadilleta (Pillbug)
Fugla Naziunal (National Bird)
Crova (Crow)
Grupa da Fuglas Naziunal (National Group of Birds)
‘N Asasinà da Crovas (Murder of Crows)
Esqipa Uficial da Béisbol dallas Aßociuns Grülts (Official Major League Baseball Team)
Els Cumplosteirs da Maricopa (The Maricopa Brewers)
Esqipa Uficial del NFL (Official NFL Team)
Els Empacheirs da Florencia (The Florencia Packers)
(The “G” on the helmet stands for “Grült” [“Great”].)
Esqipa Uficial dal NBA (Official NBA Team)
Els Bocs da Benito (The Benito Bucks)
Prominè Naziunal (National Entertainer)
Gloria Estefan (born Gloria María Milagrosa Fajardo on September 1, 1957 in Havana, Cuba) a five-time Grammy Award-winning Cuban-American singer-songwriter-author, who began her career as lead vocalist for the Hispanic dance music band, Miami Sound Machine, in 1975.
Programa Naziunal dal Televiziun (National Television Programme
Mystery Science Theater 3000
(per Talossan statutory law Lexh. F.20)
Bioscop Naziunal (National Motion Picture)
Manos: The Hands of Fate. Note, also, that Ishtar is officially recommended by the Ziu as providing education on the nation’s mythical Berber heritage.
