King John

Per fess azure and vert, a wolf salient argent armed and langued gules and in sinister chief a rose argent charged with a heart gules

Regeu Ián

The first reference I ever saw to Talossa was on the “Micronations” page on Wikipedia. I was intrigued, went to the Kingdom’s website, and after a bit of browsing wrote to the Immigration Minister (Sir Fritz von Buchholtz) to begin the naturalization process. I was granted Talossan citizenship (“the best thing money can’t buy”) on 7 May 2005, and (being a Coloradoan) became a citizen of Florenciâ province.

Sir Fritz was named Prime Minister on 20 August 2005, and immediately appointed me Secretár d’Estat (Secretary of State). I served the Kingdom in that capacity until resigning on 22 February 2007.

On the political side of things, I have served in Florenciâ’s Nimlet — our Provincial Assembly —, which I am happy to say almost never does anything. I served in the 34th and 35th Cosâs, and from December 2005 until March 2007 was the Senator for Florenciâ. (The Senäts and the Cosâ do a lot.) I was a member of the Board of Directors of the now-defunct Conservative Loyalist Party.

I was the first Chancellor (and only Member) of theRoyal Talossan Bar, the first Blanc Wolf Herald of Arms for the College of Arms (also time-consuming, but a load of fun), and a member of the GTZT (el Gremioûr Talossán dels Zesegñhéirs Telaragñheschti, the Talossan Web Designers’ Guild). (My special expertise as a web-designer is to point out things around the website that Lord Hooligan needs to attend to — grueling work, true, but now and then you just have to step up.)

I also seem to have become one of the main Administrators of Wittenberg.

On 30 November 2005, King Louis decorated me with the coveted “Për la Naziun” and admitted me into the Kingdom’s most prominent Order of Knighthood, l’Urðëri dal Naziun — an honour I was (and am) immensely proud of. So I became Sir John!

And then, to my astonishment, the nation called me to a still higher service. After King Louis abdicated the throne on 29 November 2006, leaving no heir, the Ziu, for reasons best known to themselves, chose me as King in February 2007. This election was submitted to the people for ratification, and the nation ratified the choice of their elected representatives. I ascended the throne — the fifth King of Talossa — on 14 March 2007.

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People have asked about my coat of arms. The main design is a kind of pun (heralds call it “canting arms”) on my surname, Woolley, which derives from Middle English “Wolfe-lee” — wolf-meadow, meadow of the wolf. (Other authorities derive Woolley from “Wold-lee”, unforested land. A wolf, though, is way cooler than a non-forest.) The rose charged with a heart is my invention, and refers to a complex image in a sonnet I wrote, which you will find at the bottom of this page. The motto “Cor Unum” (Old Talossan for “One Heart”) is taken from Ezekiel 11:19-20 — And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh: That they may walk in my statutes, and keep mine ordinances, and do them: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God. — which pretty much sums up the whole point of my life — in my family, in Talossa, professionally, poetically, in my studying and preaching and everything —, to be “one heart” with God and his people, completely his and completely in love with him. Needless to say, I don’t often come very near actually accomplishing this, as those who know me will testify; but it really and truly is what I want!

Feel free to email me at KingJohn@KingdomOfTalossa.net, or call me at 303.877.2763. I’m always glad to hear from Talossans and prospective Talossans.

Well, almost always.

My Wikipedia user page has quite a lot of personal information about me.

An interview with me, mostly about Talossa in the eventful summer of 2005, appeared in this issue of Qator Itrins.

My sons Princes Patrick and Peter, and my daughter Danielle Southwell (“Nurse Nellie”), are Talossans, too. And Nellie’s son George, my first grandchild.

 


Cor Unum
O lover, pierced with sorrow, crowned with shame,
deign here to be consoled, adored, caressed.
Hide here thy face, a living signet pressed
to willing wax; and I’ll, soft, whispering, claim
thee, veiled, my cherished own. Here slake thy flam-
ing thirst, thy wounded head here, cradled, rest,
safe on the flowery meadows of my breast.
Listen — my heart beats nothing but thy name.
Here, in this ardent ground, flower forth thy mys-
teries of crown, cross, chalice, thou blest mart-
yrs’ prince, and fire-wine-apple-incense kiss-
es shower on brow, throat, breast till thou, I part-
less die, rest, rise and dowered with boundless bliss
blooms, springs in both our breasts one rose, one heart.